the reality of abba, part 3

THE REVIEW
after reviewing part two of this discussion i have decided that i wish not to conclude the discourse here. for so much has been left unsaid. however, to continue i feel deeply inadequate in my expression on the topic, so i must needs share with you a story. herein is an account of my earliest memories of my dear Father. as we begin, you will recall that i was born blind and deaf. in fact, this man that i now call Father is not the father of my birth. for i was adopted. these words my Father penned regarding his first encounter with me:

“your father was an Amorite and your mother a Hittite. On the day you were born your cord was not cut, nor were you washed with water to make you clean, nor were you rubbed with salt or wrapped in cloths. No one looked on you with pity or had compassion enough to do any of these things for you. Rather, you were thrown out into the open field, for on the day you were born you were despised. Then I passed by and saw you kicking about in your blood, and as you lay there in your blood…I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your nakedness. I gave you my solemn oath and entered into a covenant with you, declares the Sovereign LORD, and you became mine.”1

THINGS I REMEMBER
the very day of this heroic rescue, my Father brought me into His house. He began to nurse me back to health, even restoring portions of my handicapped faculties, my hearing and sight, etc. i even eat at His table soon after i was weaned. yet, my heart was hard. even at a young age i despised correction and my Father's love. one morning i remember breaking fast with my Father at his table. before me was placed a meal fit for kings, but i abhorred the food set before me. so taking my drink i tossed it into the air. i lobbed apples at Father as if they were toy balls and not fruit. even as i destroyed the dining room dear Father looked at me with love. when my intended destruction was complete i looked about to see the mess i had made and i wept. for though i was young i new my heart was filled with evil. Father, however, saw no such thing. He only came to me and embraced me as He whispered, "it is alright my child, you are mine you will never disappoint me."

THINGS I WISH TO FORGET
these escapades did not decrease as i grew older. in fact, their number grew. the older i grew the fouler i became. blessed with so many of my adopted Father’s riches i used them as a license for lasciviousness. i exploited my brothers and mocked my sisters within my own home. when i was old enough i began to delve into promiscuity. i sought sexual favor from the people of my Father's kingdom. again from his journal read:

"you trusted in your beauty and used your fame to become a prostitute. You lavished your favors on anyone who passed by and your beauty became his. You took some of your garments to make gaudy high places, where you carried on your prostitution. You engaged in prostitution with the Egyptians, your lustful neighbors, and provoked me to anger with your increasing promiscuity. …the daughters of the Philistines…were shocked by your lewd conduct. You engaged in prostitution with the Assyrians too, because you were insatiable; and even after that, you still were not satisfied. Then you increased your promiscuity to include Babylonia, a land of merchants, but even with this you were not satisfied."2

oh how my Father's heart must have ached. oh how His tears must have wetted His pillow at night to hear me just out side His castle wall selling myself for trinkets. and through all of this my heart became only more calloused. so that i ceased to sell myself for money, i began to give my self away and worse. of this Father wrote:

"Every prostitute receives a fee, but you give gifts to all your lovers, bribing them to come to you from everywhere for your illicit favors. So in your prostitution you are the opposite of others; no one runs after you for your favors. You are the very opposite, for you give payment and none is given to you."

i had sunk to the lowest of society. oh the heights from which i had fallen. once the child of the King, now worse than a whore. yet all the while, night after dark night, Father watched with love and longing, always just around the corner ready to receive me if only i would cry out.

TRUTH UNFORETTABLE
then one day i broke. all of the world i was building came crashing in like the rushing torrent of ashes from which i had built my own kingdom. all of a sudden i saw, possibly for the first time, the wretch that i was. i realized the horror that i had brought to the heart of dear Father and i cried out from the deepest part of my soul. at the very moment the cry left my lips He was there. he caught me even as my legs gave way under the weight of my own debauchery. there in the dimming evening light He spoke tenderly to me,

"[Your Father has] taken away your punishment...the King...is with you; never again will you fear any harm...The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing. The sorrows...I will remove from you; they are a burden and a reproach to you. At that time...I will rescue [you]...I will give... [you] praise and honor in every land where... [you] were put to shame. At that time I will gather you; at that time I will bring you home. I will give you honor and praise among all the peoples of the earth when I restore your fortunes before your very eyes,"

how amazing this love that i know! how deep and unending is His mercy for me. though i commit the most traitorous of crimes, He has forgiven me and made me His own once again.



1. Ezekiel 16:6-8
2. Ezekiel 16:15-30
3. Ezekiel 16:33-34
4. Zephaniah 3:15-20

the reality of Abba, part 2

after some days of reviewing my former comments on the nature of my Father, i feel it necessary expound further upon this topic. for, so few of His children know and understand the terrible dichotomy that is both divine love of good and divine hatred of evil. allow me to begin my quoting my brother, as i will do frequently herein, who wrote at length as to the nature of our Father.

“God is the only comfort, He is also the supreme terror: the thing we most need and the thing we most want to hide from. He is our only possible ally, and we have made ourselves His enemies.” (1)

First, as i have previously stated, Abba is good, but never safe. you see, if i were completely without sin my Father would be to me nothing but the purest of bliss. yet i am not of that disposition. in fact, i am of the opposite and completely contrary disposition. i am completely evil. no thought, motive, or action that i am capable of is free from the arsenic of evil. even my best intentions are laced with pride. though often hidden from even my own understanding, sin exists in every corner of my being. this sin is in direct opposition to the Father that i claim to love so very dearly; thus, making us the greatest enemies of the only One who would offer us aid in our dilapidated estate. for this reason we once faced our Father with GREAT fear. to quote again my brother,

“Some people talk as if meeting the gaze of absolute goodness would be fun. They need to think again. They are still only playing with religion. Goodness is either the great safety or the great danger-according to the way you react to it. And we have reacted the wrong way.” (2)

Perhaps then, you perceive the problem. simply put it is this: My Father is all good. being all good by definition means that He must hate all that is evil. i am that very evil personified. there cannot be mercy without compensation for the wrongs He has suffered on account of my existence, for to excuse evil would imply that he himself is not completely good, but only partially good. for, only one who can accept evil can rationally pardon it without atonement.

left here, our fate would be a dismal one indeed, but this is not the end. in fact, it is not even the beginning. but, that is for another day.

bloodcovered


(1) Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis
(2) ibid.